Gabourey Sidibe shares her struggles with mental health and says it started at a young age.
The Empire star joined Taraji P. Henson on her Facebook watch show Peace of Mind with Taraji and said she was the first to develop depression that led to anxiety and eventually bulimia.
"I was so embarrassed and I hated crying so much, I hated it," Sidibe told Henson and co-host Tracie Jenkins on the Monday (Jan. 18) episode.
Sidibe says she stopped eating for days during her studies and what she ate she would throw up. She says the eating disorder was a "button" that kept her from crying.
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"And on top of that, people were like, 'You look good.' So I guess why should I stop? That's kind of dope," she said, calling it a "self-defense mechanism."
Sidibe continued, "That was bulimia for me. It wasn't about losing weight, it wasn't about controlling my appetite. It was really about how it kept me from crying."
Any control Sidibe thought possible was just a failed mask to their problems.
"It felt like I was controlling my emotions – it wasn't me, I was out of control. I was getting worse," she said. "Being depressed is one thing when you add an eating disorder to it, it's a whole different monster to fight against."
See Gabourey Sidibe talk about her battle with depression here.