When you can't keep up with the latest rumor mill on TikToks My suggestion is simple: isn't it? Or instead, enjoy it for what it is: one of the most absurd bake-off deals in investment banking history.
Walmart and its always low prices are in battle. oracle seeks synergies to make enterprise resource planning software more attractive to Gen Z employees. Trills – who the hell are they again? – allegedly works with an asset management firm (and a planet near the Hoth system) called Centricus, according to Bloomberg (to which TikTok closely responded). Twitter is in – maybe? – with important strategic corporate advice from Beyoncé on the debt underwriting strategy of the social network.
SoftBank is apparently on the lookout and yesterday announced its intention to sell $ 14 billion of its core Japanese mobile services business to make quick cash. (The result is that at least TikTok lost most of its value before SoftBank invested!)
Everything here is absurd. TikTok is absurd. The videos of people doing what they do on TikTok are absurd. The growth of TikTok is absurd. A president who sets a deadline for selling a company is absurd. This process is absurd. It's absurd to sell a company the size of TikTok in 45 days. Walmart is absurd (and a mirage too, as they are still banned from New York City lest someone get discounted soap in a pandemic).
I warned a few weeks ago that I should be wary of bankers selling TikTok rumors. And that's still the correct answer, in the sense that we will of course be pushed to the extreme limits of the M&A universe as bankers try to save the final sale price of TikTok ("We are approaching the Centricus system , Sir! "). But this approach is so much more boring than just assuming that every rumor is true and imagining Wall Street advisors trudging through this quagmire of commandments.
My advice here is simple: let's all take our analyst hats off for a week and put on our clown costumes because – and it's important that you don't work at TikTok for this or have money at stake in the company – this story is actually pleasant.
COVID-19 is serious, the US presidential elections are weeks away, social justice in our cities is vital. It was only in the last few hours that T & # 39; Challa died, Hurricane Laura tore open the Gulf Coast and the longest-serving post-war Japanese Prime Minister (yes, I know there are many qualifiers) just resigned for health reasons. It can get tough on the front pages of newspapers these days.
So it's just nice to know that you can scroll to the business pages and get a farce.
Perhaps this whole story will eventually become the next big business book à la Barbarians at the Gate. But at least the barbarians then knew how to destroy a company with the right leverage. Here you have the preheated trash from a shop that was bid for the company that brought us The Greeter.
Whatever this saga brings next (Note: Microsoft I'm just saying this: the warmth and cheerfulness TikTok provided to millions of teenagers, even though short videos of wake-up dance routines are the same joy it gives bitter financial analysts to keep a sore eye on the markets. In a miserable year for all of us, for that little sparkle of amusement, I am grateful.